Vexen in Wonderland
by Crimsonwolken
Summary: The next time the Chesire cat decides to let his hands wander under your skirt, you either nail him with your teaspoon or pour hot water over his head. yaoi
1. The World

So you're wondering what you've done wrong in life.

You remembered leaving your house to get some ice-cream at that corner cafe, a few blocks away.

You went to buy vanilla and mocha flavoured sweetness, frowned at the silver haired boy with boredom written all over his face. A child had flicked a straw at you and cheered when you hissed at the coke dripping on your pants you bought a while ago. You took a newspaper with you and read a column about d-day of the internet in about- 2 years. You fell squat on your hide when the pink haired saviour from last week yelled at you, quite miffed about being ignored when you passed by his _adorable_ flower shop. After some _bonding_ you left the place and took off with a slight spring to your step. You had enjoyed the man's company. You passed the bakery, saw Lexaeus set a tray of fresh-baked croissants on the windowsill on the 1st floor and nodded when he waved in your direction. You felt old and tired after digging your keys out of your pocket and opening the nice door to your nice, well kept house. You had paid no heed to the cat in the bushes and closed the door behind you. You had kicked your shoes off and had let out a big breath when you plopped down into your black leathered couch.  
You went over today's 'events' (If you call brewing chemical concoctions in your kitchen an event.) and rubbed your eyes in thought.  
Then you felt a pang and remembered you left for ice-cream --but came back with none.  
You had grumbled in irritation and decided you'd go back to the flower shop in the morning.

You dozed off and woke up here.

A dark forest with pink paths, dodo's flying around, two-legged glasses peeping through the tulgey wood, rainbowcoloured bobs creeping trough the bushes with cake-looking, giant mushrooms all over the place.

In a blue dress that reached your knees, white stockings and a frilly white pinafore.

You had thought this was a dream, believed you were about to wake up in a minute cause something was poking you between your legs. But pillows can't poke nor move at all, so you squint an eye open.

And topple off the orange mushroom you were sitting on as the big leech ran out from under your dress.

You turn puce as you lie there upside-down with your white happy pants exposed. (White undies with a pretty little bow) The dodoes's in the trees cackle and flap their poor excuses of wings. You hurry back up, tidy your dress and throw a rock at them.  
You then realized you had been wrong, this was no dream 'cause if it were you wouldn't have been able to grab things and feel your surrounding. You touch your cheeks and accidentally step on a red bob, eyes wide as you took a good look around, horror downing upon you.

You've always been a good guy.  
You've always listened to your mommy and daddy dearest, from fairytales to traumatizing conversations involving a huge banana and a condom.  
--Yes, you may have chucked someone's book bag angrily out of the window back in elementary school.  
Sure, you might've sidestepped the motionless lady at the bottom of the stairs back in '85  
and you might've flushed the other portfolios down the toilet at Obli. Corp (lol).

But a rational man like you doesn't deserve to be in a world – here a couple of clams skitter by- in a _crazy illusion_ such as this.

You weep as the forest dims and eyes shine in the shadows.

--

a/n: I pretty sure you might be really confused when you read this. It's a continuation of an RP. Go to my profile or review me questions


	2. I'm late

Vexen hadn't moved an inch from his spot.

He was sitting on the edge of his orange mushroom and thought about what he should do.  
He had a deep frown on his face and rubbed his chin. He considered scouting the area, but didn't want to risk getting lost in this unfamiliar place.

Who knew, if dodo's were able to fly and leeches were the size of a toddler then he wouldn't be surprised if he got captured by a fire breathing turkey.

But he couldn't just sit here and wait for someone sane to come save him now could he? Since nothing about this place was sane at all. It countered Vexens logic, made him doubt about things that shouldn't even be questioned.  
Dodo's were an extinct species right? Everyone knew that and if they weren't, they would most certainly not be able to fly around like that!  
If his life as a chemist-closet scientist was a dream and if this unfamiliar place was reality  
then he'd kill himself.  
He'd eat all the poison-looking mushrooms or drown himself in the tears he had shed out of despair.  
But this simply could not be real. He was sure of it. Maybe he was just seeing things, maybe he's tripping after having breathed in polls of some exotic plant Marluxia might have. - Paranoid much?  
He thought about breaking one of the glassed creatures and using the broken glass to mark the trees so that he could find his way back to his mushroom easily, but changed his mind quite quickly when his victim had started to cry in his hands. He couldn't swallow any more unnecessities and had let it go.

Vexen felt lost and let out an exasperated groan. He lay back on his mushroom and closed his eyes, hoping that he'd end up back on his couch when he opened them again. He tried to sleep but found himself restless. He tried shut out the constant rustle of leaves around him.

He'd be okay.  
This wasn't real.  
This forest and its inhabitants weren't real.

His mind was playing tricks on him.  
And he was pretty damn sure 'cause he'd never dare to wear a dress. Never. Therefore this is wasn't real.

"You've got mighty fine legs right there, madam,"

Vexen jolted up, supported himself on his elbows.

"Too bad you lack in the cup department." said the man, wearing white bunny-ears on his head, nodding at Vexen's chest. He was eyeing the 'girl' he had stumbled upon. He let out a hum of approval and rubbed his beard. He wore white trousers, a white collared shirt, a red waistcoat with golden seams and a pocket on his left chest and a black bow tie.

Vexen felt his stomach clench at the British-accented voice, surprised to hear a person - a human no less-, but then recalled what the blond had said and glared at him, jumping off his mushroom. The man had recoiled at the icy glare ran away as Vexen approached him.  
This made Vexen feel a pang of panic and hurry after him.

"Wait!" He exclaimed, grabbing the other by the elbow. "I need you!-have to ask something!"

The rabbit-eared blond had halted and turned around. Vexen blinked at the golden pocket watch he had pulled out his breast pocket , dangling in front of his nose and scowled at him.

"It's a pleasure to meet you miss, I'm the White Rabbit," He picked Vexen's hand from his sleeve, planted a kiss on it and held it gingerly. "But as much as I'd love to keep you company, I have to be somewhere. Like, really bad, right now I-"

He jumped a foot in the air, let go of Vexen's hand and brought his watch to his nose, panic dawned upon him. Vexen felt annoyed about being called a woman, but couldn't blame him. He was wearing a dress.

"I'm late! Oh-o_h no_!," The man panicked, he stuffed the watch back into his breast pocket and jumped again. "SO VERY LATE ON A VERY IMPORTANT DATE!"

The blond ran off with Vexen on his tail, snapping and cursing him to _stop! Stop! I haven't asked my damn question you loon!  
_The so called 'White Rabbit' was fast and Vexen struggled to keep up with him as they went through bushes, scurried over the logs and sidestepped the mirror creature traffic. A few feet ahead of him, the rabbit-eared man had jumped in a hole, gaping from the ground all the sudden. Vexen had blanched and tried to slow down, but tumbled right into it. He fell. It was dark and he tried to comfort himself by thinking _'At least I didn't get eaten'_. But he saw light at the end of the tunnel and before he knew it, he fell with his bum in a bucket.

He let out a sigh of relief and slumped in his bucket.

He had fallen through a ..rabbit hole and ended up in this periwinkle coloured chamber with many shelves holding strange objects.Right when Vexen opened his eyes he saw the White Rabbit shrink. The man hurried across the black and white checker floor and disappeared behind the curtain on the wall in front of him.

It took a couple of minutes before he realised he had lost him

And got himself lost in a place worse than the forest: a room with no way out!

-Well, except for what's behind that curtain.

He tried to push himself out of the bucket, but didn't move an inch. He wriggled and growled, cursing at his bad luck lately. He flailed with his arms and legs, trying to get his hide out of the trap. He touched the floor with his toes and swinged himself up onto his feet.

And fell on his face.

"Why does this have to happen to me?" He muttered, spitting out blond clumps of hair.

He tried to wriggle himself free again, but his efforts went in vain. He groaned and laid his cheek on the cool, marble floor. And then he spotted a blue bottle on the floor. Curiosity struck him and he pushed himself towards it.

'_Do not drink' _It said.

He drank and shrunk.

He screamed out in horror as he saw his legs were still stuck under the now giant bucket. Clumsily, he withdrew them and rubbed his legs. He looked up at ceiling, feeling very small. He hoped the chandelier wouldn't happen to fall down any moment.

He headed over to the curtain and pushed it aside, revealing a wooden door. He peeped through the keyhole and gasped in delight as he saw his familiar black couch.

This was it! So easy! He'd be home in a jiffy!

He grinned to himself and twisted the doorknob.

"_Ow."_

He frowned and twisted harder.

"_OW wha-"_

He grabbed the doorknob with both hands and started abusing it, kicking the door.

"STOP YOU DUNCE"

And Vexen got bitten. He hissed and took a step back, examining the door. The doorknob yawned and frowned back at him.

"You're very, very rude person," the doorknob whined. "You woke me up!Why did you pull at my nose? You don't see me stealing yours now do you?"

Vexen held back his exasperation and fisted his blue dress.

"I'm sorry," he lied. "I didn't mean to upset you. I just want to get home."

"Well, I'm not going to open up just like that you know," the doorknob said, knowing Vexen's apology was insincere. He decided he didn't like Vexen when the guy's frown had deepened. "Either get the key from the table top over there or go back to where you came from."

"Oh _bite me_, what do you think I've been trying to do the entire time, you door." Vexen snapped.

The door popped a tart in his mouth.

Vexen choked but managed to swallow it whole. He gripped his knees and coughed, whacking his chest.

"A- Are you _MAD_?!" He said hoarsely.

He grew.

And he bumped his head against the ceiling.

"Now you're stuck in a hard place," said the doorknob. "It's your own fault lady. You could've always asked…"

The doorknob stared at Vexen from his point of view.

"Nice...cheeks."

Vexen cried a river.


End file.
